“Did you really think I was going to lie like other people?” Kris Wadsworth offers up one of the most honest (and funniest) selections of Top Tracks to date…
WHAT’S THE FIRST RECORD YOU EVER BOUGHT?
KMFDM – ‘Flesh’. I’ve tried to answer this question before and, to be honest, it was quite a few. I can’t remember exactly. Probably some sort of heavy metal or industrial or hip hop. I don’t know. Do tapes count? I used to listen to this when I was like ten or eleven years old. I can say that for sure. I think I just barely passed a subject in school and got this as a reward for not being a total fuck-up. Music was often the reward for that… until I almost got kicked out of school entirely.
THE FIRST TIME YOU REMEMBER HEARING ELECTRONIC MUSIC?
I have no idea because I’m only 28 and there has been electronic music since before I was born. I’ve heard it my whole life, if I really think about it. Probably in the Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal that I had with a little ‘press-and-play’ synth in its sweater. I totally remember listening to that over and over again, practically in my ear at night when I was a little kid and couldn’t sleep. It was strange because when you hold a ridiculously cheap little synth like that very close up to your ear, it sounds insanely detailed and bizarre. It blocks out noise and stray thoughts and everything, really. I must have liked that, I guess?
Did you really think I was going to lie like other people and try to pass off some sort of dance music as the first electronic music I ever heard? That is ridiculous.
YOUR FAVOURITE EVER RECORD?
Haus Arafna – ‘Independent’. They’re kind of Satanic. I love almost everything they’ve made. This is 100% true: I discovered them by accidentally – and was absolutely hypnotised by their stuff – shortly after I got a second blatantly Satanic tattoo. I had never heard them before that. Coincidence? No such thing as a coincidence…
THE GUARANTEED FLOOR-FILLER?
David Allen Coe – ‘Fuckin’ In The Butt’. This gets everyone going crazy every time. Essential underground ‘banger’. DAC dedicated this to the Mickey Mouse Fan Club. Fantastic!
THE GUILTY PLEASURE?
Throbbing Gristle – ‘Hamburger Lady’. I actually don’t feel guilty at all for loving incredible music. I love Throbbing Gristle. The harmonica they used sounds guilty as a motherfucker, though. It sounds like it had a rough few centuries and is sweating in hell for it forever. Chin up, harmonica.
THE BEST CHILLOUT RECORD?
Three 6 Mafia – ‘Lick My Nuts’. I love Triple 6. Always chills me out because they usually say what I’m thinking so I don’t have to. I can just leave this on someone’s voicemail or send it in an email and avoid the whole ‘hey, fuck you’ routine. I’ve always admired their productions. Their beats go hard as fuck, but they float really smooth at the same time. Their old shit is beyond brilliant. They suck now. T hey did something with Tiësto and, well… that pretty much explains it. That is what is called a tragedy.
THE BEST RECORD FOR A FAMILY PARTY?
Formation Records’ Formation Colour Series. I don’t have much family. We never really partied anyways. A ‘family party’ is a nightmare for me unless they are listening to some shit like this. The only family that I knew that ever did was the family of one of my ex-girlfriends who is now dead. They would rock jungle and dope-ass techno on every holiday, every birthday, etc. Anyone who knows what the fuck this series is… they’re totally welcome in my home.
THE SOUNDTRACK TO A LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON?
Haus Arafna – ‘Last Dream Of Jesus’. I have sex with lazy nuns on Sunday afternoons. I always play this to get them in the mood. They tell me it’s a dream ‘cum’ true. That isn’t true, but it would be awesome if it was. Ayyyyy-MENNNN!
THE WORST RECORD YOU’VE EVER HEARD?
My shit sucks. I will be the first one to tell you that. It isn’t popular, it isn’t glamorous, it’s not meant for beach parties, I never give two shits if it sells, and it doesn’t have people singing about dumb bullshit unless it’s me fucking around on purpose. I just try to make shit that expresses me accurately. That’s why people are reading this to begin with.
I’m a horrible DJ and producer who has no range and doesn’t know a damn thing about music. I always sound the same for my entire DJ set, and on every track and remix I make. I never take chances for the sake of pushing creativity. I tell everyone I’m an artist, but I’m just a fraudulent, flakey fuck with a manager, who kisses ass.
I make the worst records I have ever heard. My new PR campaign – Fuck Me – I’m Shit t-shirts and bumper stickers…
THE FUTURE CLASSIC?
Wolfgang Voigt – ‘Fremde Hände’. My favourite electronic music producer of all time. If most people could even wrap their heads around this track – or understand how much music this guy makes, how much music he has made under various aliases, and how much he has influenced everyone whether they realise it or not – they would stop listening to all this dumb-ass ketamine crooner, idiotic, fake, garbage out here. But they won’t. It blows my mind how many people have no idea who this guy is. It’s sad. Wolfgang Voigt is someone I will always regard with the utmost respect.